I recently had a chat with one of my good friend who recently got married to her boyfriend after facing a heavy challenge from her family. But now she is NOT happy!!! I was completely taken back. It was just 3-4 months back that she had opposed her parents for him and now she is not happy with him. How can this happen? I seriously wanted to analyse this particular issue. And this is what I was able to conclude upon.
Marriage is generally considered as the bonding between two individuals. When we come to Love marriage, I was able to categorize it into two different types.
1. A boy or girl gets attracted towards the other and tries all possible things in the world to impress the person and eventually succeeds
2. A long standing friendly relationship between a boy and girl turn to be Love.
Both the above situations leads to LOVE MARRIAGE provided they cross one barrier! They achieve in getting or neglecting the acceptance from their family.
We shall analyse both the types in detail.
Scenario before marriage
In the first case, you show the sincerity of your love and how much you care for the other person and somehow gain a place in their heart. Let us see how strong this love can be before marriage. The Girl/Boy (We will have this as boy here on for convenience sake) gets attracted to a girl and he proposes to the girl. They have not got used to each other for the girl to accept. Any normal homosapien will not accept such a proposal immediately be it a girl or a boy. Later when the boy gives some pressure, the girl tries to make him understand with her family situations and other things which may make their marriage impossible. In few cases, the boy succeeds in winning over the heart of the girl by doing and saying everything she likes. And one fine day when the girl accepts him, she does so only when she feels that the boy is much more important than her family. In this situation, the girl will do anything to get married to the boy doesn’t matter how hard the situation gets. That might be reaching extremes to get the family’s approval or going against them to join hands with a person whom she believes will take care of her more than her family. Next case is friends becoming lovers. They both know each other very much and hence the understanding will be good in between the two. It has already been a long standing friendship which has just taken a new name as Love. All izz well between the two, but when it comes between the family and this friend, it will definitely be the family which will come as priority over the friend. So we cannot expect one to give up family for this friend. May be the severity of the struggle for the success of Love differ by how huge the impact of the love of the friend and the family. But majority of this Love is the one which will face a very tough challenge to reach the next step, The Marriage.
Scenario after marriage:
If this is the case before marriage, let us now see how things change after marriage. First we will take the later scenario where friends turn lovers. They behave in a friendly manner since the beginning when they were friends and after that when they were lovers and obviously that will continue the same relationship will continue. They will have the same care towards each other hence the chances of misunderstanding is very less between the two and hence the chances for a very long happy married life is very high. But this will not be the case in the other scenario. The boy changes himself so as to please the girl and wins over her heart. After marriage, this attitude of the boy will definitely change and he will behave normally since he has achieved what he wanted. But the girl will expect him to behave the same way how he had behaved when they were in love. Misunderstanding starts there and this takes the juice out of the fruit called married life making both of them unhappy.
Arranged marriage:
This is one similar to the second scenario except for the fact that two unknown people are meeting and they are becoming friends. They are becoming friends and this friendship grows and also they will be having family’s support in this kind of marriage which is an additional boost. But the point in this one is you cannot become a friend to a person who completely doesn’t deserve to be one. This is one case where arranged marriage might fail. So, obviously Love marriage has more problems compared to the arranged marriage. But the problems in the marriage can be sorted out easily if the understanding level between the two increases where as in arranged marriage it is very difficult to clear the problem.
All possibilities does have some exceptions, everything I have written here are according to the majority of the cases that I saw and as heard from few close friends. This is not a conclusion. It is just an analysis from my point of view. I personally wish there should not be any Love Failures before or after marriage. I do thank all my friends who have given their thoughts about this whenever I have asked them. Thanks to you too for reading this patiently and waiting for your most valuable feedback…
Yours,
Raja Sekaran.R
