I recently had a chat with one of my good friend who recently got married to her boyfriend after facing a heavy challenge from her family. But now she is NOT happy!!! I was completely taken back. It was just 3-4 months back that she had opposed her parents for him and now she is not happy with him. How can this happen? I seriously wanted to analyse this particular issue. And this is what I was able to conclude upon.
Marriage is generally considered as the bonding between two individuals. When we come to Love marriage, I was able to categorize it into two different types.
1. A boy or girl gets attracted towards the other and tries all possible things in the world to impress the person and eventually succeeds
2. A long standing friendly relationship between a boy and girl turn to be Love.
Both the above situations leads to LOVE MARRIAGE provided they cross one barrier! They achieve in getting or neglecting the acceptance from their family.
We shall analyse both the types in detail.
Scenario before marriage
In the first case, you show the sincerity of your love and how much you care for the other person and somehow gain a place in their heart. Let us see how strong this love can be before marriage. The Girl/Boy (We will have this as boy here on for convenience sake) gets attracted to a girl and he proposes to the girl. They have not got used to each other for the girl to accept. Any normal homosapien will not accept such a proposal immediately be it a girl or a boy. Later when the boy gives some pressure, the girl tries to make him understand with her family situations and other things which may make their marriage impossible. In few cases, the boy succeeds in winning over the heart of the girl by doing and saying everything she likes. And one fine day when the girl accepts him, she does so only when she feels that the boy is much more important than her family. In this situation, the girl will do anything to get married to the boy doesn’t matter how hard the situation gets. That might be reaching extremes to get the family’s approval or going against them to join hands with a person whom she believes will take care of her more than her family. Next case is friends becoming lovers. They both know each other very much and hence the understanding will be good in between the two. It has already been a long standing friendship which has just taken a new name as Love. All izz well between the two, but when it comes between the family and this friend, it will definitely be the family which will come as priority over the friend. So we cannot expect one to give up family for this friend. May be the severity of the struggle for the success of Love differ by how huge the impact of the love of the friend and the family. But majority of this Love is the one which will face a very tough challenge to reach the next step, The Marriage.
Scenario after marriage:
If this is the case before marriage, let us now see how things change after marriage. First we will take the later scenario where friends turn lovers. They behave in a friendly manner since the beginning when they were friends and after that when they were lovers and obviously that will continue the same relationship will continue. They will have the same care towards each other hence the chances of misunderstanding is very less between the two and hence the chances for a very long happy married life is very high. But this will not be the case in the other scenario. The boy changes himself so as to please the girl and wins over her heart. After marriage, this attitude of the boy will definitely change and he will behave normally since he has achieved what he wanted. But the girl will expect him to behave the same way how he had behaved when they were in love. Misunderstanding starts there and this takes the juice out of the fruit called married life making both of them unhappy.
Arranged marriage:
This is one similar to the second scenario except for the fact that two unknown people are meeting and they are becoming friends. They are becoming friends and this friendship grows and also they will be having family’s support in this kind of marriage which is an additional boost. But the point in this one is you cannot become a friend to a person who completely doesn’t deserve to be one. This is one case where arranged marriage might fail. So, obviously Love marriage has more problems compared to the arranged marriage. But the problems in the marriage can be sorted out easily if the understanding level between the two increases where as in arranged marriage it is very difficult to clear the problem.
All possibilities does have some exceptions, everything I have written here are according to the majority of the cases that I saw and as heard from few close friends. This is not a conclusion. It is just an analysis from my point of view. I personally wish there should not be any Love Failures before or after marriage. I do thank all my friends who have given their thoughts about this whenever I have asked them. Thanks to you too for reading this patiently and waiting for your most valuable feedback…
Yours,
Raja Sekaran.R
6 Comments:
A good article...can see u did some good amount of analysis before penning this down. I would like to give my views on two points
1.The family part comes into picture mostly in India only.
2.I don't totally agree with the above view on arranged marriage. U said 'two unknown people are meeting and they are becoming friends' and u say its similar to the second scenario u mentioned in Love marriage.
People get together by arranged marriage start their relationship as a couple, not friends. Even if they eventually develop 'friendship' as u said, that cant be called as friendship, as it is love (i believe love is the next level to friendship i.e..Love have friendship inside it....Love without the friendship can just be called as Lust or crush(in decent words :-P)).
This relationship the arranged marriage couple develop can never be similar to the relationship the people had in your Love Marriage - scenario 2.
Reasons for those are,
-scenario 2 friends doesn't need to show conditional caring to each other the caring sorts of develops with time.But in case of arranged marriage soon after the marriage people expect their spouse to care for them (conditional caring).
-in scenario 2 the friends are not physically attracted to each other during the start of their relationship.But in case of arranged marriage they are COUPLES from the day of marriage.
Please note that my argument is just about the thoughts penned above. I am not nullifying any love or marriage. From my view life is a multiple choice question, it has various options for you. Its not about choosing the correct answer but about choosing the best one for you. Every kind of relationship is better in its own way and also they have their own Pros and cons. SO, you should be wise in choosing your option.
Once again Nice article Raja . Read some interesting views after a long time. Keep things like this coming. I am always ready to comment :-P.
I guess i myself wrote an article in the name of comment :-)
machi..
puriyadhavangalukku athu pothai..
purinjavangaluku athu pain.
totally love is blind and Maayai :
thala sonna madhiri. aasai maayai.
for those who felt it divine and pure will end up in mess just because of their too much understanding.
to me. everything is life. dont leave anything as you have rights to decide. i dont beleive in fate but you cant live by cheating your own soul or whatever u say. true to yourself and love others to be happy.
we are not losing something when we convice or convinced by our dear ones. its all about maturity we get in ourselves and in society.
just earn to live. fight/struggle for love/life.
here only two problems one is men other is women. ;)
anyway good to start a conversation from your blog. i still need a points on why and what differntiate after marriage between them(lovers)
just boys family? and his dominance?
@GM : Thanks for your views. and about your doubt, the girl laying all hopes on the boy comes with him to a completely new place with all new people(The boy's family). In this situation, definitely she will expect her husband to show more care which is not possible at all times. obviously she will be disappointed and that disappointment will increase in the due course of time leading to misunderstanding.
Nice Article Mr.Raja....
@Prithvi: :) Thanks da.. nice views really... very much true.
@Poornima: Thanks a lot madam.
Post a Comment